Sextoi Story 3: Straight to Video

By Isiah Zombian

Woody and the gang.

It’s the third installment everyone’s been waiting for: “Sextoi Story 3,” adding new meaning to the phrase “There’s a snake in my boot.”

Woodster the Woodstick and Buzzy the Vibrator are back and bigger than ever. With the franchise’s two previous films setting the bar high, will this final movie fill in the giant glory hole of expectation?

The basic plot revolves around Sandy, the town’s sluttiest lesbian, who has left her toys behind in favor for of her partner’s toys. Feeling left out, Woodster and Buzzy embark on a tantalizing adventure to try to return to the coziness of “Bush-Town.”

Along the way, they team up with other abandoned toys, including Transsexual Potato Head, Kinky Dog, Pig Benis and Dinosaur Bitch. But the toys don’t get very far without any cash. So to get money, they offer themselves up to strangers in return for “dilldough.”

As the toys near their owner, they come across Fleshlight Bear, the disgruntled toy that nobody ever played with. He wants to stop the toys from ever reaching their final destination, and will stop at nothing to destroy them. They then fight in a climactic scene which is sure to leave the viewer very, very relieved.

In terms of the plot, the movie is believable and captures the struggles that everyday toys have to go through accurately. The characters each have their own special quirkiness, making you want to buy your very own enlarged Woodster the Woodstick or S&M Barbie.

In addition, the dialogue is exceptional. For example, when Woodster reaches Sandy for the first time only to find out that she’s crawling with STDs, his line, “somebody’s poisoned the waterhole” could not have been any more spot-on.

The movie is also very emotional. In one scene, when Woodster and Buzzy are servicing strangers for money, they realize that only one of them can fit inside their patron. Then Woodster says, “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us” and he lets Buzzy get rammed instead. This act of genuine friendship was truly inspiring. Such a heartbreaking moment will make a single tear roll down anyone’s face.

But of course, the film is really comical as well. Like when Woodster first meets the other toys in an alley, he says, “I’d like to join your posse, boys, but first I’m gonna sing a little song.” Then he starts to sing “You’ve Got a Friend in Me,” which of course has double meaning.

To top that scene off, just as Woodster and Buzzy are about to finish the song, Buzzy’s batteries go out. The toys successfully find replacement batteries, but they accidentally set the Vibrator’s mode to “Super Horny” and he just starts to buzz for the whole second half of the movie. It’s really grade-A-quality stuff.

In the end, if you’re looking for a movie that will make you laugh, cry, or one that will just plain get you off, I recommend “Sextoi Story 3” for your viewing pleasure.

The film is rated X for scenes of graphic sexuality, violence and drug use. Total runtime is 103 minutes.

To infinity, and beyond! 

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